Making Friends in New Zealand - What We've Learned

People often say it’s hard to make friends in New Zealand. Is that true?

The honest answer? It depends.

Nothing can really prepare you for Day One in a new country—especially when you don’t know a single person and have never even visited before. We woke up that first morning in an Airbnb, with no car, no house, no school spots, no social plans—and absolutely zero idea how anything worked. Where do you even buy a SIM card? How do you rent a house? Is that café open? Are we in the right suburb?

And yet, even in that first week, we were surprised by the small, thoughtful gestures of people who didn’t know us at all.

In this blog, I want to share how our journey of making friends in New Zealand unfolded: from those uncertain first days to the slow but steady building of real connection, and what we've learned along the way.

Week One: Chaos, Kindness, and Community

Day 1 – We woke up the first morning to "Auckland winter".... aka 15C and sunny! The perfect antidote to jetlag. Immediately we headed off to the ferry for our first real outing into Auckland’s CBD. A lovely woman on the ferry-ride over started chatting to us. She was part of the rainbow community, gave me her number in case we needed anything, and handed over a sample of her handmade Kiwi body butter. It was such a small thing, but within hours our first experience of Kiwi kindness. You've probably heard of it, and I can confirm - it's a genuine thing. We struggled to find a café, but once fed and watered set off to Sky Tower - and the birds-eye view of the city. It was the perfect thing to do to get a feel for our new home. We watched the sunset from the ferry home, as the CBD twinkled behind us - a magical end to our first day.

Day 2 – We'd tried to book a rental car online but discovered the city branch was closed on weekends and our booking was only provisional. Cue a very expensive Uber to the airport to sort it out. It wasn’t the smoothest of starts—but I suppose if you’re going to start fresh, you have to embrace the mess too.

Day 3 – We met two people from an online expat group who offered to show us around. They made us lunch, shared their own stories, and reassured us that what we were feeling was normal. Their openness made a big difference, as did having someone take an interest in us and our move - it certainly made us feel less alone.

Days 4–6 – Over the rest of the week we started scouting out suburbs, and viewed our first rental - which we applied for and were panicked to find out that we were 13th on the list of applicants!! It became clear we needed to do our research and come up with a proper strategy for house-searching. We also ate ice creams on the beach, kayaked from our Airbnb, and on Day 7, we flew to the South Island for what became a two-week road trip of a lifetime—part adventure, part distraction from the growing feeling of “what now?”

Settling In: Month One

After our road trip, we returned to the reality of house hunting, experiencing the worst of New Zealand housing in a in a damp, mouldy Airbnb - we only lasted there one night (click here to see the NZ Healthy Homes Standards that rentals should comply with). BUT, within 48 hours, we’d viewed six rentals, applied for five and been accepted for four. We had developed our strategy during the 2 week trip south, and it worked brilliantly.

Once the rental agreement was signed and sealed, we enrolled the kids in school, O started work, and I began filling our house with essentials while waiting for our shipped belongings. Little by little, our life here took shape. That didn't stop me crying with frustration filling the car up with petrol though - I was so "over" everything being new and different. I just didn't want to be the "new girl" any longer!

Building Friendships: Months Two to Twelve

Our first connections came through practical life: other parents at school, our neighbours, a few brilliant teachers who went out of their way to introduce us to people. Online communities were gold—especially for asking all the weird, small questions you don’t even realise you have until you’re living here.

We also started saying yes to things—playdates, coffees, local events, awkward “do you want to catch up sometime?” messages. I eventually joined a netball team (which, for someone who hadn’t played in over 20 years, was terrifying and exhilarating in equal measure). But it was one of the best decisions I made—because sport is such a big part of life here, and it gave me a real sense of belonging.

At this stage, the people we connected with most were either other immigrants or Kiwis who had lived overseas and understood the complexities of starting over.

But even with these new bonds forming, I want to be honest: real friendship takes time. The kind where someone knows your story, your quirks, your history—that doesn’t happen in six months. Or even one year.

The Long Game: Real Friendship Takes Time

By the time we hit the one-year mark, we had people—but not deep people. And that’s something I think often gets glossed over.

Because while Kiwis are incredibly friendly, true connection takes time. Everyone’s already got their circles. You’ve got to keep showing up. Keep saying "yes". Keep trying, even when it feels like you're always the one making the effort.

At the two-year mark we felt more settled than we'd ever expected to. We were incredibly grateful for the life we’d built, but I did miss the ease and depth of friendships that come from decades of shared experience.

In our third year, I've found things harder. The adrenaline of the move has worn off. The contact from friends back home started to thin out and then for many friends, stop all together. They say a move like this shows who your truest friends are, and I've certainly found that - some were the people I knew would always be there, but some have been a warm and welcome surprise.

In New Zealand, we were no longer the shiny new thing either - and as our kids grow, the inevitable tween friendship issues start popping up. Without my amazing, trusted circle of decade-old friends around me, I've found that particularly difficult as a mum. That old phrase "you're only as happy as your unhappiest kid" definitely rings true for me.

I absolutely love the life we've made in Auckland. I can't think of a city more perfectly designed for us and our family. I live every day grateful for this move - it's been the most incredible thing I've ever experienced.

In terms of friendships though? Those soul-deep connections? They still take time.

What We’ve Learned About Making Friends in New Zealand

If you’re planning a move to New Zealand—or already here—and wondering how on earth to make friends, here’s what we’ve learned:

• Kiwis are friendly—but not always forthcoming. Don’t be discouraged if it takes a while to be invited deeper into someone’s circle.

• Your first friendships might be with other immigrants—and that’s okay. They get it.

• Say yes—to the quiz night, the school fundraiser, the awkward coffee date. Friendships grow from showing up again and again.

• Join something—sport, volunteering, book club, faith group. For me, netball opened doors and O has found the same with getting involved with football.

• Don’t compare—the friendships you had back home were built over years, sometimes decades. Let the ones here grow in their own time.

• Be patient—trust that connection will come, slowly but surely.

Final Thoughts: It Is Worth It

If you're starting over here, know this: you're not failing if friendships don’t come fast. You’re not alone if you’re finding it a bit lonely. You’re not doing it wrong if you still miss the people you left behind.

Making friends in New Zealand is possible. But like anything worth having, it takes time, effort, and a whole lot of showing up.

So be kind to yourself. Keep saying yes. And trust that the right people will come.

They always do.

Looking for more insights about moving to New Zealand and settling in?

Join us in the As The Kiwi Flies Community—a space for families navigating their move, finding connection, and settling in.

You don’t have to do this alone.